Weather Outside is Frightful, but My Attire is so Delightful

Temperatures drop. Snow falls. People bundle up — some of them. Having walked through several winters with our furry friends, we’ve seen an array of outfits used to ward off Jack Frost. While some clothing choices are sensible to us, others leave us scratching our heads. Below we offer our views on three common styles. We also recommend a dog that accents each type, although walking most dogs will make you more appealing.

Style I: What’s Winter?

It’s twenty degrees. Your nostrils sting when you inhale. Your breath eddies, almost sparkles, about your head. And this person wears shorts, a T-shirt, possibly an unzipped jacket. Control your urge to check this person’s pulse. Accessories include thin gloves, sometimes fingerless, a baseball cap, low-top sneakers and knee-high crew socks. You might even catch the What’s Winter type in sandals — sandals and a few piggies short of a whole foot. Maneuverability is gained in this attire at the risk of a little thing called frostbite.

Dog accent: A golden retriever’s bright coat helps the illusion of warmth.

Style II: Knight in Shining Armor 

Unless you’ve survived a midwest winter, you might not know that the cold can burn like dragons breath and scratch like daggers. The Knight in Shining Armor has prepared for battle. Boots, snow pants, a thick jacket — the more poof the better — gloves like oven mitts, scarf, ski mask, winter hat, two, three, four pairs of socks, long underwear. Similar to a knight’s creaky armor, Style IIs crinkle and rustle with every movement. While picking up a dog leash in this outfit can pose troublesome, it offers the warmth of a polar bear hug.

Dog accent: Any small dog wearing a similarly bulky jacket and booties.

Style III: Upper-Downer

The Upper-Downer is a conundrum. This person dresses only half of his or her body, either top or bottom, for the weather. Shorts and a down jacket? Sure. Snow pants and a T-shirt? You bet. Hat, mittens, scarf, shoes without socks? Why not? Maybe the Upper-Downer has a magnificent internal body heater that is confined to half of his or her body. Maybe they are products of laziness or forgetfulness. Or maybe it’s something else entirely. We’re at a loss to explain this one.

Dog accent: A poodle with a shaved body but hairy head and legs. Fluff on the end of the tail is optional.

Again, these are three among many styles of winter fashions. Know more, have a favorite type, or have an answer about the Upper-Downer, tell us in the comments section below or tweet us @Chicdogwalkers with the hashtag #wintfash. And remember to avoid moister-sucking cotton in the frigid season!